Why Boybands Suck:

What exactly is a boyband?

boyband (noun)

Usually a group of 4 or 5 untalented males who take credit for songs that they didn't write. They are put together by a greedy music industry, and eventually end up putting out every single thing in the world with their logo on it so 'teenie-boppers' will go spend their money.

A boyband must consist of the following: good looks, charm, and no talent.

A boyband also consists of a jokester, serious one, momma's boy "heart throb", slick one, and a shy one.

They must have these different personalities to make them more entertaining, even though the public knows that they are putting on acts. Boybands also must have a "monkey".

"monkey" (noun)

The member of a boyband that no one likes. He is exactly like the other members, though uglier. He looks exactly like a monkey. The only reason that he is in the boyband is so that fat and ugly girls will feel like they have somebody with which they can relate, hence are more willing to spend their money on the boyband's products.

Case in point: Backstreet Boys' Howie D...'N Sync's Joey Fatone.

Now that we all know just exactly what a boyband is, let's see why they're popular,...and why they suck.

Why these Boybands are Popular:

Listen up teenies, because we're only going to say this once. STOP LISTENING TO BOYBANDS NOW. You are the reason that boybands are popular. Teenies just live their lives like normal, bopping about their own business and listening to boybands, never realizing that they are killing America's music scene. Music is a joke now because of boybands (and other styles of music too...like that rap "music" BS).

Record companies have spotted a great source for profit: teen and preteen girls. They have a lot of money. So record companies have created a style of music that targets this social group and tries to get their money. It is succeeding. It is succeeding partly because of the radio and MTV, who are both profiting from this 'teeny-bop' phenomenon. MTV gets tons of cash for Old Navy and Calvin Kline ads and other ads targeted toward young girls.

So despite the fact that these singing groups have no talent, the music sounds bad, they look bad, they don't write any of their own music, and they were just thrown together in auditions, they are pushed and pushed upon the public because they are making a lot of money for big corporations.

Apparently the young girls can't get enough of these boybands, which is really what it's all about in the first place. These teenie boppers, who like this music for some unknown reason, are the one and only reason why these terrible, terrible boybands are so popular.

Why Boybands Suck: 

If we were to name all of the reasons that boybands suck, we would be here for weeks typing and you would be here for weeks reading. I don't think that any of us want that, so we will only give the most obvious reasons and most blatant offences to 'coolness.'

• The most obvious reason why they suck is the way the "music" sounds. Sure some of them may be able to harmonize and hit notes correctly (semi-correctly), but the simple fact is that they do not sound good.
• They suck also because of the way that they look. Have you ever noticed that there is always one boy in the group who looks like a monkey? There is a monkey in EVERY boy group. And other than the monkey, of course, are the other 4 members (because they always have 5 members). The other 4 are always ugly also, but luckily not as ugly as the monkey.
• They suck because they don't write any of their music. All of their music is simple manufactured by well-paid songwriters who have nothing to do with the actual production of the music. The lyrics mean nothing at all to the 5 boys who sing them. This is the height of corporate bullshit that they would simply manufacture music that kids would want to buy. So that kids would want to buy all of the T-shirts and lunch boxes.
• Which brings us to our next reason why boybands suck. Because they are nothing more than temporary whores to bring money to large record companies. When the first boy band came out, others started popping up left and right and the only reason was that the other record companies saw a good opportunity. Girls aging 12-15 generally get a pretty hefty allowance now and that adds up to a lot of disposable income.
• Boybands also suck because the members have absolutely no musical talent whatsoever. Sure, one or two of them may be able to sing, but rarely does the ability to sing well ever have anything to do with talent. Most of the time if a person is able to sing, it is something that he or she was born with and not something that must be practiced. They play no instruments, write no music, and are probably not even involved in the production until all of the music has been lain down and the producer is read to record the vocals.

Why Britney Spears sucks:

Britney Spears is exactly like these short-haired losers such as the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync. We consider her just as shitty, and just as much of a boyband as them. (Hey, after all that surgery and hair extensions, she might be a boy, for all we know). The music industry saw that BSB and NSync were doing quite well luring teenage girls to buy their stupid shit such as numerous amounts of posters (more than the average band....oh wait. they're not a band. it requires talent to be called a band), t-shirts, all the way to nail decals, that they decided to start pleasing the males. Since some of us know, Justin Timberlake and JC Chasez of 'N Sync were both in the Mickey Mouse Club on Disney before they became those "luscious dream boys" of 'N Sync. Well what do you know? Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera were both in the Mickey Mouse Club too! We bet the record company thought it would be pretty "happenin"' to dress Shitney and Pisstina in close to nothing and let them dance and sing. God forbid they actually have the ability to sing, though, right?

Anyway, we find it annoyingly obnoxious that the music industry had to start ANOTHER trend, with these shitty teen female solo artists that just happened to be friends with the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync. And if you didn't know, Britney Spears opened for 'N Sync on part of their tour last summer, and was rumored to be dating Justin Timberlake. Considering the fact that Shitney wears more makeup than that beast from the Drew Carey show, recently got hair extensions, dyed her hair blonde, got breast implants, and got a nose-job...Shitney's appearance has NOTHING to do with why she sold so many records, does it? After seeing her lip sing at almost every TV appearance, and even in concert we sometimes think the girl doesn't even sing, not like she actually writes those songs she sings anyway.

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